if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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