It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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