Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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