Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
