I hope mine doesn't look like that
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
