Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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