McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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