So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
