someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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