I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
