nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
