were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
