why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
