i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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