who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
