I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
