did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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