I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
