I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
