Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
