...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
