omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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