Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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