My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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