She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
