I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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