that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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