like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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