that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
