He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
