you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
