Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
