so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
