I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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