yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
