Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just pee around me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
