so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
