I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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