he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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