you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
