She said her name was "party"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Every concussion has its silver lining
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
