So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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