ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
