ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
