Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
