Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
