maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
