i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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