I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
being pregnant is like rehab
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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