yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
