We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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