You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
