if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
