In the future we'll all be gay
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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